How Our Core Needs Shape Our Responses to Change

The only constant is change!

How often have you heard words like this and thought, don't I know it? Change can be exhausting when it is constantly happening in our lives, or maybe for you, it invigorates and uplifts you to get you to a different place, a new place you want to be in. We often bring change for ourselves when we want certain aspects of our lives to be different, such as habits that do not serve us, and we want to create new habits that serve us. The great thing about changing habits is that they are a choice; it can feel very empowering when we choose the change in our lives.

What about change that we do not get to choose? Change, such as losing a loved one, relationship, home, or career. These aspects of our lives are physical and outside of us, and how we manage our emotions during these changes is paramount to how we work through the change occurring. Then, there are the changes within us, such as self-esteem, confidence, respect, and trust. These aspects of our lives are personal and can have a deeply profound impact on how we navigate any change that is occurring. Nothing has meaning other than the meaning we give it, so whether change occurs extrinsically or intrinsically, always know that how you respond is a choice.

Until very recently, I labelled myself as having 'change fatigue' and wanted no more change other than the necessary change, which was my intrinsic change, the type of change I am purposely and with intent bringing into my life. I was rejecting the change that was needed extrinsic to me, such as buying a new car or replacing my Apple MAC. I finally realised it was not ‘change fatigue’; one of my top core needs was not being met, and it was out of balance with other core needs. Core Needs? What are they?

We all have six core needs based on Tony Robbins' work. These core needs drive every decision we make and shape why we do the things we do. All behaviour, functional or dysfunctional, comes from our ability to meet these core needs consistently. Understanding your needs and the psychology behind them can influence the habits you create or change in your life and help you achieve your goals.

“You see, in life, many people know what to do, but few actually do what they know. Knowing is not enough! You must take action.” Tony Robbins

Each of us prioritises our needs differently, and for most of us, at least 2 of the core needs are the most important to us. Our decisions are based on which needs we put first, so when change occurs that we are not in control of, it can feel like we do not have a choice. Be assured everything is a choice, and how we respond to change and are aware of our core needs can have a positive and lasting impact on our decisions and choices about managing change. This is an excellent awareness about us because when our core needs are being met, we can achieve more, be more in flow and have greater satisfaction in life choices. We must work to bring this about; it does not just happen! As Tony Robbins says, “…lots of people know what to do, but few actually do what they know. Knowing is not enough! You must take action.”

The six core needs that we all have can be met resourcefully in a way that serves us and the changes we are experiencing or in an unresourceful way that delays our learning and growth. Again, the choice is ours; however, when we are aware of these core needs, our ability to choose is more remarkable, and this is how we learn. We go from unconscious incompetence right through the stages to unconscious competence, and this learning journey is a great one to go on to support changes throughout life.

What are the six core needs?

1. Certainty: means having the assurance that we are secure and safe.

2. Uncertainty: is the need for adventure, variety, challenge, and change.

3. Significance: is feeling special, important, unique, or needed.

4. Connection: is the intense feeling of love and closeness with others or things.

5. Contribution: is the sense of service, giving and making a difference to others.

6. Growth: expanding capability, understanding, and meaning.

Additional insights into Tony Robbin's work can be accredited to Joe Pane, an expert on emotional fitness. These six core needs are necessary and unavoidable, and they all have feminine and masculine energy. They are part of the human macro-patterns, meaning they exist in every human being. The first two needs are complementary - certainty and uncertainty, the Ying and the Yang. Balance must be achieved between these needs, or the person will act to achieve balance. Similarly, in the absence of love, all humans will seek connection.

The first four needs, certainty, uncertainty, significance, and connection, are the needs of the personality, in other words, how we behave and show up in life. This is where the change in our lives is impacted. Our inherent need to meet these four will influence how we behave, respond, create habits, and generally show up. For example, if your need for certainty is highest and you choose to meet it resourcefully, you will focus on being active, having good habits, and taking responsibility. If you decide to meet it unresourcefully, you may try to control others, waste time watching TV, and procrastinate on achieving goals, if you have any.

Uncertainty can also be met resourcefully or unresourcefully because everything is a choice. Our choices are the habits we create to achieve what we want in life. Uncertainty can be met resourcefully by stretching your comfort zone, acting even if you feel fear, having a go, and taking risks. Conversely, uncertainty can be met unresourcefully through addictions, drama, and self-sabotage.

Contribution and growth are the needs of the spirit and are achieved when meeting the top needs of the personality. You will feel these and know when they are being met.

As humans, we all have these core needs, and they all have feminine and masculine energy. Becoming aware of how this plays out in your life is another level of awareness that can be a game changer to recognising what you are experiencing when responding to or creating change. The only thing constant in life is change, so the more awareness you have of your core needs, the greater your capability to create great habits and life choices that will sustain and support you in achieving your goals.

If you want to explore how your core needs can influence change in your life, book a Free Strategy Session with a lead coach at Leaders Network.